This Is Hardcore

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 09:20:50 GMT

live journal sux. it is boring and crap.

therefore this is my last entry. hwr, i will keep it to comment on everyone else's.

au revoir. or not. maybe just bye. xxxxxxxxxxx

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 19:30:38 GMT

i don't actually hate anyone.
back to incessant cheeriness for me.
jess is back in 30 mins.
nuff sed.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:22:37 GMT

unless i am related to you. in which case fuck off and what the hell are you doing on my lj.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:22:10 GMT

well. nearly everyone. if you are reading this i do not hate you.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:21:31 GMT

i hate everyone

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 12:50:58 GMT

I want to jump out of my window. It is a four metre jump, but it seems more like forty centimetres from where I'm sitting. The window ledge is not comfy. In fact, it is far from comfy, making me sit squished up and half balancing on the ledge. But I like the cool breeze that occasionally brushed against my face. And the refreshing smell of the thunderstorm going on outside. I like watching the speed of the rain. One minute fat droplets are falling fast, the next minute it is a silent drizzle, barely noticeable. I even like the miserable clouds that are covering the bright sky that was there this morning. The curtains are pulled shut, hiding me from the rest of my bedroom. My window is the perfect etween the driphiding place. It is both poetic and sad how the speed of the rain reflects the speed of my tears.

The window is somehow comforting. It shows me the promise of somewhere new. I am now sitting half inside my bedroom and half outside the window, contemplating the distance between the dripping roof and the sodden ground below. The sky above reminds me of my wish to fly away. Fly to somewhere where no-one knows who I am, where no-one can judge me. The window and the sky are somehow linked. They are inticing, leading towards another place which i do not yet know of. Someplace less sad.

It is still raining. I am begining to ache, but I will not move. Not just yet. The storm outside is calming me dowm. I am lost in my thoughts of this new place. I cannot describe it physically. I can just feel it. My mind is at peace in this place. I am alone, yet surrounded my new and interesting things. New and interesting people.

I would sit on this window all day, watching the storm and letting my mind wander, entangled in the wind outside. But the rain has stopped. And I relise so have my tears. My mind gradually returns to me and the dark clouds are being replaced by less depressing ones. Sudennly, the atmosphere has changed althogether. The window is still appealing, but it is as if i have exhausted its use for today. i no longer feel like climbing out of it. I am not quite ready fot that. But I know that it is waitng there for me. For the next time I feel like losing myself in my thoughts. For the next time i feel like hiding away. For the next time i feel like sitting on a window in the rain.

am i now a minor celeb? :P

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 20:11:37 GMT

hahahhaha. xfm just played out a song for me. how exciting. they said my name and all. TWICE. :P
Nancy Boy - Placebo.
what can i say......simple things........

Ollie and Alex <3

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 09:08:46 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UG3m4bTMRBA

This is for Sam.

Thu, 13 Jul 2006 21:22:02 GMT

convo with Sam about wanting to be on a desert island sparks of the whole "what would YOU take" convo.
so here is mine:
1) iPod (which never runs out of battery ever)
2) Sam, of course
3) Jess
4) Mr Barron's diagram of the universe along with rest of Greek stuff - hahahaha
5) the script of Monty Python and the Holy Grail
6) a copy of The History Boys
7) ditto Bridget Jone's Diary (i mean the book, it is much better than the film, which i also love)
8) season 1 Scrubs on dvd (with a dvd player of course)
9) sketch book with relevant supplies
10) some random hot indie guy who will be forced into loving me as there will be no-one else on my desert island who likes The Libertines as much as me :p

this is liable to change.

also, feel free to suggest songs for our busk list. Collie has a guitar. me and Sam and Beth are singing/trying to sing. so far my part of the list goes as follows:
- For Lovers
- What Katie Did
- Mrs. Robinson
- Hallelujah
- the songs from Les Choristes <3

oh wait, can i take a swing with me to my desert island, PLEASE!!!!!

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 16:05:09 GMT

http://www.tatler.co.uk/Schools/2006/Details.aspx?Type=Public&Area=London&ID=339&List=

http://www.tatler.co.uk/Schools/2006/Details.aspx?Type=Public&Area=London&ID=340&List=

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 08:17:55 GMT

right. does everyone want a fucking list. so i can stop bloody defending myself when i have done FUCK ALL WRONG:
1) 2-faced-ness - i can't stand it when ppl are mean about someone and that someone has no clue and is really nice back, it makes me sad
2) boasting
3) no remorse
4) taking shit out on other ppl who are just trying to help
5) complexes ugh.
6) bitching
7) lying
8) worrying non stop
9) parents
10) Cat and Tash say i am right. i prefer to listen to THEM on this one, not everyone else.

Dear everyone who normally reads my lj (allie, KC, zazzi, vickers),
This acutally has nothing to do with any of you. Just had to get all that out somewhere where no one is likely to read it. Writing my usual list on a piece of paper has not worked this time. Am hoping internet will.

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 20:20:59 GMT

right, am apologising publicly now. mainly to KC, whom i suspect this concerns the most.
my dears, I AM SO SORRY.
you may be thinking what for. right. list:
1) for going on about trivial things like its the end of the world
2) for annoying you in general with my whining
3) for complaining a lot about stuff that really only affects me.
4) leading on from that, for being selfish
5) for saying "am i boirng" every 5 mins. it is not attention seeking, which it may seem to be. and i am truly sorry for it and am trying my hardest to stop.
6) for writing all this when you probably have no clue what i am on about
7) for stealing a bite of krispy kremes off both KC and zazzi
8) for being a shit prompt hahahaha.
9) for the insane way i act about drugs. it just gets to me. not just because of recent events. its always got to me like this, just now it is worse and more often.

right. i think thats it. i love you all and am sorry.
and AMAZING CAST PARTY!!!!!! hahahaha. best night in ages. apart from pride. :P
KC, what the fuck did you do with my whistle?
and vickers, i am sorry for teasing you. well, ish :P.
sings *give me a wall*. that has been in my head all day.
nuff sed.

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 17:31:05 GMT

am basically re-posting what i put on KC's myspace. as i want to rant and whine and moan. am generally in a bad mood :(
FOOKIN HELL!
everyone around me has gone INSANE!
jess has become a whore overnight!!!
darwin is calling me simi, on a permanent basis apparently.
wierdo guys on tube were trying to get off with big tash.
ma mere has gone insance becuase my dad is agreeing with me for once.
ma soeur is trying to involve herself and trying to tell me that i'm being mean.
i can get my hands on maximo park tickets yet have to get parentals to say yes. oh so frustrated.
I WANT TO EAT YOUR HEAD. OR MINE. WHICHEVER IS LESS PAINFUL.
*SCREAMS*
ugh.
ugh.
ugh.

ooooh! Hollyoaks is on...........

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 18:19:13 GMT

Sexual fetish
Some people fetishize gas masks. One possibility is that gas masks are for them part of a wider rubber fetishism, or that the dehumanized appearance of a person wearing a gas mask leads to erotic objectification fantasies.

The movie Gods and Monsters featured a scene of gas mask fetishism possibly implying, within the fictionalised events, a relationship between director James Whale's sexuality and trauma experienced in World War I. The scene is in the movie is because the director liked the photo that was popular at the time of a naked man wearing only a gas mask.[citation needed]

In the television show Malcolm in the Middle Lois and Hal both went into a house wearing gas masks and were presumed to ave sex.

Rubberists like to wear gas masks because they are made of soft latex rubber and also because they are strapped onto the face. Gas mask sexual fetish is often, but not always combined with the use of other sexual latex devices, such as latex suits, rubber gloves and boots.

fookin hell. and that was off wikipedia. and i was just innocently doing my history coursework.......

i keep getting these off the st. helen's girls. i kinda like them.

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 19:35:43 GMT

random quiz thingy

[ ] Ask someone out.
[x] Be asked out.

[x] Have a sunny day
[ ] Have a rainy day

[ ] Have a computer
[x] Have a cell phone

[ ] Be poor & live till you're 100.
[x] be rich & live till you're 30.

[x] Be blind.
[ ] Be deaf.
(how could i live without my music!!)

[ ] Have it be Winter all year round.
[x] Have it be Summer all year round.

[ ] Be beautiful.
[x] Be loved.

[ ] Take a bath.
[x] Take a shower.

[x] Be born poor and die rich.
[ ] Be born rich and die poor.

[ ] never have to go to school.
[x] never have to go to the dentist.

[x] Never feel physical pain
[ ] Never feel emotional pain

[x] Wear glasses.
[ ] Wear braces.

--------------

You are:

[ ] Short. 5'0 & Shorter.
[ ] 5'1 - 5'3.
[x] 5'4-5'6.
[ ] 5'7 - 5'9.
[ ] 5'10 - 6'1.
[ ] Tall. 6'2 & Taller.

Naturally

[ ] Blonde.
[ ] Redhead.
[ ] Auburn.
[ ] Brunette.
[ ] Dirty blonde
[ ] Light Brown.
[x] Dark Brown. (v. dark)
[ ] Black
[ ] Don't Remember.

[ ] Blue-Eyed
[x] Brown-Eyed.
[ ] Green-Eyed.
[ ] Hazel Eyed.
[ ] Gold|Gray-Eyed.
[ ] Silver|Gray-Eyed.
[ ] Blue|Green-Eyed.
[ ] Blue|Gray-Eyed.
[ ] Change Colors

You Have

[ ] Glasses.
[ ] Contacts.
[ ] Braces.
[x] Retainer.(night time only :D)
[ ] none

Hair Length

[ ] Short.
[x ] Medium.
[ ] Long Hair.
[ ] Bald.

You've Done

[x] Rafting.
[ ] Water Skiing
[x] Camping.
[ ] Horseback Riding.
[ ] Surfing
[ ] Water Polo.
[x] Skateboarding. (with Sonny for like 2 mins lol)
[ ] Skiing.
[ ] Street Luging.
[ ] Cheerleading.
[x] Lacrosse.
[ ] Street Hockey.
[x] Gymnastics.
[ ] Martial Arts.
[ ] BMX.
[ ] Tubing.
[x] Rock Climbing
[ ] Snowboarding

You Can't Stand Listening To

[x] Country.
[x] Classical.
[ ] Techno.
[ ] Oldies.
[x] Opera.
[ ] Reggae.
[ ] Emo.
[ ] 80's.
[ ] Disco.
[ ] Metal.
[ ] Hardcore.
[ ] Rock.
[x] Rap.
[x] R&B.
[ ] Classic rock.
[x] Polka.
[x] Gospel.

Clothing Brands You Like

[ ] American Eagle.
[ ] Hollister.
[ ] Buckle.
[ ] Abercrombie & Fitch.
[x] Wet Seal.
[x] O'Neill.
[ ] PacSun.
[ ] Aeropostale.
[ ]Dickies.
[ ] Roxy.
[ ] Guess.
[ ] Hot Topic.
[ ] Spencers.
[ ] Tripp...
[ ] Champs.
[ ] Old Navy.
[ ] Volcom.
[ ] Forever 21.
[ ] Victorias Secret.
[ ] Limited Too.
[ ] Salvation Army|Goodwill.
[ ] Other thrift stores.
[ ] Wal mart
[ ] Target
[x] If I like it I'll wear it. (within reason)
[x] Others...
(damn american quizez and stupid brands - grrrrrr)

Your Confessions

[x] Im really ticklish.
[ ] I've collected comic books
[ ] I watch the news.
[x] I love Disney movies.
[x] I don't like killing bugs.
[x] I have/had x's in my screen name.
[ ] I cook well.
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class
[ ] I like Martha Stewart
[ ] I like Paris Hilton
[ ] I Like Donald Trump
[x] I have over 200 songs on my ipod/mp3 player
what sucky comfessions. god. you wouldn't get arrested for any of the above :P
well, that was pointless. and kinda annoying. maybe i should stop doing these.

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 20:21:20 GMT

Paranoid?
If you get more then 30 you're paranoid.
I fear:

[] the dark
[x] staying single forever
[] being a parent by 17
[] giving birth
[x] change
[] being myself in front of others
[] open and dark spaces
[] closed spaces
[] heights
[] cats
[] dogs
[] birds
[x] spiders and/or other insects
[] driving cars
[] flying
[] being put to sleep
[] basements
[] attics
[] becoming FAT
[] being touched
[] fire
[] water
[] the Shamu pool
[x] failure
[x] rejection
[] germs
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[] mice/rats
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[] hail
[] cemeteries
[] clowns
[] large crowds
[] demons or evil
[] crossing bridges
[] death
[] Hell
[] Heaven
[x] being robbed
[] men
[] women
[] having great responsibility
[] doctors/dentists
[] tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[] diseases
[x] snakes
[x] sharks
[] Friday the 13th
[] ghosts
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains or railroads
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[] being alone
[] being blind
[] being deaf
[] growing up
[] monsters under my bed
[] creepy noises in the night
[x] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[] needles

I fear 9 out of 70.
So, am not paranoid. Surprisingly. I think the test lies!

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 19:11:30 GMT

[x] You know someone that cares about you.
[ ] You have a boyfriend/ girlfriend/ fiancee/ husband/ wife.
[x] You have your own room.
[x] You own a cell phone.
[x] You have an ipod/ mp3 player.
[x] Your parents are still married.
[x] You have more than 2 best friends.
T O T A L: 6

[x] You dress how you want to.
[x] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[x] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[x] U have never been beaten up.
[ ] You never cry more than twice a month.
[x] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[x] Your room is big enough for you.
[x] People don't use you for something you have.
[x] You have been to a concert.
[x] You laugh more than twice a day.
T O T A L: 9

[ ] You have over 50 friends on myspace (damn, 49, SO CLOSE)
[x] You have pictures on myspace.
[x] Your parents let you have a myspace.
[ ] You get allowance.
[ ] You collect something normal.
[ ] People don't make fun of you to be mean.
[x] You look foward to going to school.not for the wrk tho!
[x] You don't wish you were someone else.
[x] You play a sport.
[x] You do something after school.
[x] You shower daily. yup im clean!
T O T A L: 7

[ ] You own a car.
[ ] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[ ] You are happy with your appearance
[ ] You aren't self-consious at all.
[x] You have friends.
[x] You have so many inside jokes with friends.
[x] You know your parents care and love you.
T O T A L: 3

[x] You know what is going on in the world.
[x] You care about so many people.
[x] You are happy with your life (ish any way)
[x] You usually aren't sick.
[x] You know more than one language.
[x] You have a screen name.
[x] You own a pet.
[x] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[ ] You dont have any enemies
[x] You are happy you're living.
T O T A L: 9

Now count the number and multiply by 2.
I am 72% happy. apparently.......

Thu, 25 May 2006 18:20:18 GMT

Your Life: The Soundtrack
So heres how it works:
Open your choice of music player [iTunes, Limewire, Kazaa, etc.] and put it on shuffle.
Press play.
For every question type the song thats on.
And when you go to a new question press the next button.
No cheating.
Ready?
GO!

Waking up: Soldier in a Box – Hot Hot Heat

Average day: The Trees - Pulp

First date: 7 Minutes In Heaven – Fallout Boy!!

Falling in love: Pretty In Pink – The Psychedelic Furs

Fight scene: Panic Attack – The Paddingtons

Breaking up: On Sussex Downs – Larrikin Love

Getting back together: Go Away – Guillimots (hmmmm)

Life's okay: Butcher Blues - Kasabian

Mental breakdown: Na Na Na Na Naa – Kaiser Chiefs

Driving: Disco 2000 - Pulp

Flashback: Endlessly - Muse

Partying: You Really Got Me – The Kinks

Happy dance: Toxic – Britney Spears (I can’t BELIEVE this is on my ipod!)

Regretting: Once, a Glimpse – Maximo Park

Long night alone: Things Aren’t Gonna Change – The Cribs

Death scene: Eddie’s Gun – The Kooks (am I gonna be shot?!?!)

End credits: B.U.R.M.A. – Dirty Pretty Things

Wed, 24 May 2006 20:21:49 GMT

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Wed, 24 May 2006 20:15:33 GMT

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Wed, 24 May 2006 19:44:40 GMT

1. Of all the bands & artists in your collection, which one do you own the most cd's by?
Green Day (ugh!)

2. What was the last song you listened to?
Vagabond - Wolfmother

3. What's in your CD player right now?
Sigur Ros - Takk

4. What is your favourite instrument?
guitar

5. Who's your favourite local band?
The Rakes - who else is from London anyway?

6. What was the last concert you attended?
Dirty Pretty Things!!!

7. What was the greatest concert you've ever been to?
Dirty Pretty Things!!!

8. What's the worst band you've ever seen in concert?
Blue (i was 11 and i hated them but had a free ticket)

9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?
Razorlight

10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?
Playing Hey Jude on the piano and occasionally singing at the same time.

11. What show are you looking forward to?
The Automatic

12. What is your favourite band shirt?
..........

13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
Jarvis Cocker

14. What musician would you like to be in love with you for a day?
Carl Barat :)

15. What was your last musical "phase" before you wizened up?
Punk rock...well, green day.

16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?
Black Sabbath

17. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music nerd?
how so?

18. What was the greatest decade for music?
this one

19. What is your favourite movie soundtrack?
About A Boy

20. What would you be without music?
dead

Sat, 20 May 2006 20:57:49 GMT

Sadomasobipolarschizopheliac:
A mix between sadistic masochism bi polar schizophrenia and having an addiction to something destructive.

Sadomasochistic analnecrohomopedopyrobestiality:
The act of anal sexual intercourse with dead baby animals of the same gender that also happen to be on fire.

Sun, 14 May 2006 21:13:52 GMT

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Sat, 13 May 2006 18:08:01 GMT

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Eton
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
there's one for Latymer too. i think we need an SPGS one.....

Thu, 11 May 2006 20:10:55 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

this is quite scarily true...